They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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