'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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