also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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