Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
