im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
