Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
two words...techno handjob
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
