I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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