I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
