grandma shit on top of the toilet
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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