You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
