Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
