I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Every concussion has its silver lining
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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