I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
