His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
