Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
