There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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