Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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