I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
