matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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