You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
