Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
