someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
