Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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