Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
