I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nicole vs. Life
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize