hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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