I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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