sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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