loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
