i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
