He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
