Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
