SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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