god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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