i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
