I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
