I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Randomize
