if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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