LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
