I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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