Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
