drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
