I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize