Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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