Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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