he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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