Moan for me like Helen Keller
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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