Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
