I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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