When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
