I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
40s are totally the cure
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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