I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
