I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
