We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
