I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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