Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
