Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
