i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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