Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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