my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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