The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
