i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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