why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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