I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
