you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
