i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
