he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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