Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
