I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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