Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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