so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
