Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
