I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
