Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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