the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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