If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
