You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
