it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
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Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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